The Buy-Us-Sphere

Go green!
Save yourself with oxygen!
Produce valuable  flowers!!!

Produce your own oxygen for that uncertain future... when there isn't enough to go around. Use your carbon dioxide to grow valuable flowers and reduce your own carbon footprint to that of a warthog!!!! Our Buy-Us-Sphere is made of recycled partially abandoned hot wheels and barbie dolls.

The Loved Ones Keepsake

Lose a loved one?? Why lose anyone??? Yes! The funerary urn hairstyle! You CAN keep and take grandpa to a pig roast, a fish fry, the mall!

Send us 52 grams of Fully Cremated® ashes from your specific loved one. We surgically seal her/him in special hand-crafted Friendship Treasure Heritage Vases®.

Now, the whole family can take Grandpa everywhere. Buy a six pack of Grandpa, and everyone can take him.. Or, take grandpa, Uncle Pete, and little Fido all in the same hairstyle!

30 day guarantee that the ashes used will be of your specific loved ones.

The Express Lane to Buddhism (Male Version)

Want to go back to a simpler life of incense, prayer wheels, and om beads, divest your excess stuff, AND-- make sure everyone knows. Why waste time divesting??? Divest your hair! It's easy!! It's fast!!! Try our new "Buddhist Nun/monk" with our own hand crafted Prayer-Flag Tattoos®. Choose from our selection of: (1)The Mollusk Shell®, (2)The Umbrella®, (3)The Knot®, or (4)Our Beautiful Heritage Friendship Treasure Vase®. Meditation and practice are labor-intensive.  Get in the express lane to Buddhism without all that drudgery.

The Saran Wrap Sure

Awaiting rapture? Afraid of a "bad hair day" for eternity? Here it is! Hairstyle and safe are held safely in place with our Biblical grade plastic wrap. And, you CAN take it with you!!! Pyramidal safe will transport your precious items with you forever.

Cranio-Sacral Therapy 24/7

Do you suffer from head aches, ear infections, strokes, autism, scoliosis, colic, hemorrhoids, spinal cord injuries, over-extended mental faculties, nervous system disorders? Disorders that are due to the pulsating flow of fluid in your brain.  That pulse can become CONSTIPATED!   Our  trained practitioners are skilled in measuring that pulse, using our hand crafted surgical grade Crapulsometer® . We measure, we channel, we make a Craniosack® hairstyle, and we make you feel like a teen-ager. Think of it! Instead of sitting for expensive hours of craniosacral therapy, we can install a Craniosack® hairstyle that will work for you 24/7.

The Magnet Healer

Balance your life with polarity. Rid yourself of all physical problems. Plunge yourself in a profoundly penetrating pasteurized pedagogical magnetic field. Become more and more beautiful every day. Because you demand the strongest magnetic pull, we give you the strongest magnets available (75,399 gauss) and ceramic grade 98! This new high potency magnet is 75,000 times stronger than any available. We fabricate them in our shop, located precisely on the magnetic North pole (due to the constant movement of the North Pole, our shop is mobile and moves with it every day, near, and on Ellesmere Island in Northern Canada).
The north pole will be directed towards your core while the south pole is directed outwards. This permits the negative calming energy to drive out all of the positive or excited energy.

The Harmonic Tuner

Everything in your body is driven by tiny vibrating electrons. Invisible! And THEY control your body. They force you to eat that third piece of pie, give people the finger, max out your credit card.
You ask, “What can I do about these invisible uncontrollable frequencies that are ruining my life?????” First,our trained practitioners will study YOUR particular brain.  We hand-craft a set of 3 tuning forks in pure surgical plastic and a singing bowl to be worn daily. They create new frequencies, and shift your brain to a new state of consciousness. You will automatically start doing the right things, naturally. You will be thin, beautiful, focused, kind, attentive, a good listener, etc.  WITH NO EFFORT!

The Turbo Cleanser Weight Loss Approach

Science tells us that toxins create belly fat no matter what you eat.   Toxins from your food, air, chem trails, etc.  are stored in your belly fat and become a  hideous knotty grey mass of blubber. No wonder some of us have difficulty with our bellies. It's NO laughing matter!

Modern technology is making you fat,  and we can use it to make you thin! Remove those toxins from your belly!  Avoid exercise (in fact, avoid movement) and avoid dieting (they move the toxins through your liver). Put all  those scare techniques on hold and watch the Turbo Cleanser®  disolve the fat. Our Turbo Cleanser® ,  with a permanent Colonics-Implant® device will keep the toxins moving right out of your body.
Here's how it works! A hand-crafted vortex  is implanted in your  hair. It connects with your permanent colonic implant (implant effected by licensed  Harmonic Colonic®  practitions only).  Only 1/2 cup of distilled water into the vortex per day and the water will energize and vibrate toxins right on out.  Say good-by to unwanted fat, diets, exercise, and  guilt.
Buyer's guide: if you live north of the equator, please order vortex-Coriolis-North and if you live south of the equator, order vortex-Coriolis-South.

Let the Power of the Pyramids Help You!

The Egyptian culture lasted a long time. Why? Because they harnessed the knowledge of the pyramid.
The ancient Egyptians found out the hard way.  Chem-trails from cubical buildings caused mass depression, illness, and often death - mostly in slaves. The Pharoh's wanted only big box buildings.  And the slaves??? they suffered from, yes,... depression and death. Egyptian slaves  dying!  Aliens brought in the pyramids and.... No more box buildings! Success to all!

We use the power of the pyramid to create a hairstyle that heals. We could list what it does for the you, but it would be quicker to list what it DOES NOT DO FOR YOU. (it will not: add high-lights to your hair or sharpen serrated knives).   It will strengthen your body and mind, align your chakras, increase your sex appeal, renew your hair follicles, and yes, put a razor blade in and it will become sharp!

The Feng Shui or Fogna Sciupare

Feng Shui Hairstyle: This hair cut, if done properly will bring you 108 types of prosperity. Kinds of prosperity you didn't even know exist!!! Start by taking our five element test to assess your similarities with water, metal, styrofoam, fire, and plastic- to produce your own personal Feng Shui map. This will give us your best the color and length .  Each individual hair's length, yes,  VERY important.   Every hair must be of identical length.
This hairstyle promises a balanced you and harmony. Beware!  There are fakes out there.   The secret??  5,220 years ago extra-terrestrial females from Natsayah landed on earth. They trained a few people in   “Fogna Sciupare”.  This system has been passed down and  is now known as Feng Shui.   We have the original tablets and the female priestesses. Don't be taken in by imitations. Get the real source of harmony and energy and balance from the mother of Feng shui.

Hook Up

Had it with Speed dating, on line matches?  Tired of going to bars, retirement-finance seminars, funerals, blind dates, etc.?   - All in the hopes of meeting that special someone?  This hairstyle will do it ALL for you.  How can one hairstyle do all of this for me???  How do the birds and the bees do it? They have pheromones,  exactly what you need! Good old 100% natural pheromones! Our device is complete with an electric sensor. Upon sensing an adquate male, it releases powerful pheromones.  Pheromones that attract only the most viable males. Males that earn a lot of money and want  only you.  Kinder than ghandi, and more macho than Stallone. The males that you want and deserve right at your feet.

Lose Weight Effectively

Doesnt' everyone hate it when they get on the scale and it reads some some ridiculously high number! Where did that number come from??? Well a hairstyle that elevated and lifted the individual would force the scale to give out friendlier readings. Let modern technology help you out.

Tuning forks that heal

I accidentally fell on some tuning forks last night. While I lay on the floor with the tuning forks on my head I had an "out-of-body" experience. I went to far away places like Dubuque Iowa and Palmyra Wisconsin. Clearly my mignon scientists and I need to investigate the power of tuning forks in hairstyles and healing.

Embrace yourself

Embrace and love your self with all of your petty failings. You are already wonderful. You are beautiful. You are brilliant. You need to accept yourself the way you are and stop guilt tripping yourself about the usual stuff. If you are aggressive, you probably need to be that way in your environment. If you are packing an extra 50 pounds in your trunk, you are probably destined to outlive some future famine. If you are loud and rude, you are gearing up for a future inter-galactic conflict. The message is all the same. You don't have to, and probably shouldn't change in any way. Embrace yourself.

meditation

Why Can't We Plant Mental Seeds to Raise Psychic Powers

A woman in California lost her psychic powers when she had a CAT scan. I aim to develop a hairstyle that will plant just those mental seeds.

Response to "We Are All Doomed" by mike Haskins

I have just purchased this book. Mr. Haskins has many clever methods to avoid different forms of doom, from the plague to global warming. However, I feel sure that his methods lack the scientific rigor that my "Hairstyles that Heal" will have.

angels

angels can heal us. If we could use the power of angels through a hairstyle-they could accompany us and heal us.

the prosperity hairstyle

God wants you to be prosperous. He wants you to have that swimming pool, designer outfit, sports car, and more. You have to help God to help you to get all those riches and that may mean a whole new hairstyle that helps you exude that proper aura. I propose that I will research and design such a hairstyle

Hairstyles that Heal and reduce fat

I am convinced that we are not fat because we eat too much and exercise too little. We are fat because there is a conspiracy by large corporations to leach toxins into our food, water, and the very air we breathe. I will design and create a hair style that removes the toxins and the wearer will lose weight automatically.

Hairstyles That Heal

The Power of the pyramid: the egyptian culture lasted more than 3000 years because they harnessed knowledge of the pyramid to induce relaxation, concentration, chakra alignment, dry flowers, wound healing, psychic powers, advanced fingernail growth, along with beautiful silky hair.

The ancient egyptians understood that positive ions from air pollution caused mass depression, illness, and often death. Many slaves, involved in construction of cubical public buildings suffered from depression until the god Amon revealed that the pyramid construction instead of cubical building construction would solve the air pollution/depression problem. The pyramids were so successful that since then they have been used for chakra alignment, sharpener for razor blades, hair follicle strengtheners and so on down the line.